Caregiver Chronicles: My Journey

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Tag: cat hoarding

  • Another one bites the dust

    So sad to say yet another relationship is over, courtesy of my living situation. Another one bites the dust. I thought I had found someone who could look past my shitty environment and just see me. I thought that after all my honesty and transparency that it was OK to allow someone to see my reality.

    I believe that our souls are here to learn. That every relationship, hardship, and problem we encounter during our stay here on this planet is to teach our soul what it needs to learn before moving on. I am having a difficult time finding the lesson in this recent devastating event.

    I invited RR for a tour of the property the other day, I had no intention of inviting him inside, but the weather was calling for rain and thunderstorms. So, morning of I bust my ass cleaning up as much as I could before RR arrived at noon. I figured it would be a shock to see my living situation, but I never expected another break-up by text.

    Being a caregiver for my parents is preventing me from having a normal relationship. I have given everything I have to my parents, even my sanity, apparently. My brother is living his life with no attempt to help out. I can’t even take a holiday because there is too much around here I do that my parents can’t. I turn 50 in a couple months and I have nothing to show for it.

    I had high hopes for developing a relationship with RR, but another one bites the dust. And I am devastated.

  • Being a caregiver of a patient with dementia makes relationships difficult

    I have written on the topic of dating before. How being a caregiver of a patient with dementia makes relationships difficult. Yesterday I had a “coffee and walk along the harbor” date with a different gentleman from eharmony.

    It went so well. I am so fortunate to have found someone who respects what I’m doing for my parents. Instead of asking why I tolerate living here, he complimented me saying

    “You are a good daughter.”

    He is an amazing guy with so many similar hobbies. He loves cats and has 2 of his own. He has a goal of being a published author, as do I. He is an easy 25 minute drive away.

    The best was the lack of judgment I felt. I told him stories about my life, former and present, and he just listened. No recoiling in horror when I talk about dad using the litter box or being honest about the number of cats that are in this house.

    I feel very fortunate to have found someone that matches me so well and who sees value in my caregiver role. He is amazing and I have great hopes for this relationship.

    Being a caregiver to a patient with dementia makes relationships difficult, but I think I have lucked out. Thanks RR for being you.

    Until next time, take good care.

  • July 6th

    Sunday morning

    Sunday morning and I find myself up before dawn. My little foster kitten is hungry. I get up despite wanting a few more zzzzs. The kitchen is empty and I am able to quickly start myself a coffee. Dad must be napping. There is evidence of him having been awake already:

    • fresh canned food for the cats
    • light is left on under cupboards
    • Radio is blasting Zoomer Radio
    • the counters have sugar, coffee and juice spilled on them (not cleaned up)
    • there are a variety of recyclables left on the stove top, namely Pepsi cans and a plastic clamshell that once had powdered doughnuts in it
    • His dirty ashtray is beside the recyclables

    I wipe down the counters, put the recycling in the bin, fill water bottles and reservoirs with filtered water. With my coffee ready, off to plan my day:

    • Pick up Walmart order I placed Saturday, unload and organize things. The small tuna sized cans of cat food need to be organized just so in a handled cardboard box. The large soup sized cans need to be organized just so, sandwiched between two 12 can flats and then put down in a particular spot. Ditto cat treats and all of dad’s supplies. He gets quite cranky if things aren’t exactly the way he likes.
    • Mom gets up partway through the grocery unload and sort. We open the packages of chicken breasts, wrap each one in plastic wrap, then into a ziploc for freezing.
    • Refresh litter boxes – we ran out of litter last week, so the depth of litter is less than an inch. (Which, FYI. most cats hate…I have been getting the evil eye from some of the cats because of it.
    • 40 minute yoga with Adrienne Detox and Reset https://youtu.be/vbgxIwQoyN4?si=0BwytUdiofWspF1j Her videos are terrific for me and I love Benji
    • Watch a video by Mel Robbins about making someone obsessed with you which was perfect for today as it turns out.

    Sunday afternoon

    Sunday afternoon and I find myself alone when I am supposed to be spending time with SB. He has been very incommunicative since Tuesday last week. He had briefly forewarned me that the family was having a reunion, and that he would not be available for chat for the week. I had not thought this would extend into our “date time.” Certainly he would have been clear about this after the email I sent and talk we had about respect.

  • July 10th

    Yesterday, at long last, after several conversations I have arranged to have some of the “newbies” put up for adoption at a local pet shop. I have been trying to get Dad to take some ownership over the overpopulation, but so far it has only been me trying to find homes for the litters of kittens we have. Thankfully the pet shop was willing to take a 1 year old cat, a male who Dad initially proclaimed we would be keeping until it came time for neutering and vaccinations. He is super cute with a terrific “lap cat” personality so I’m sure he will go fast.

    This morning Dad was trying to change which kittens I had already agreed to take. He feels that he will miss them all running around. Yet he is constantly yelling at them for being in his way or being too “crazy kitten” and getting into trouble. But 2 things made the decision for us:

    • I had discussed with the owner the ages and sexes of the kittens, and the two litters don’t match up
    • I said that it would be a recipe for disaster if we put kittens from different litters (that have been kept separate) into a carrier together.

    The process of catching, caging then transporting went well. So well that I arrived at the same time as the owner. Which also meant we were 40 minutes early for our appointment at the car dealership.

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