Some history…
In October of 2020 I found myself as a childless divorcee when my mom started having more health issues and Dad’s sight was worsening, the upkeep on the house and yard became too much, so I moved me and my 2 cats back into my childhood home. Since that time we have had a bit of a run of bad luck. I hope that caregivers, regardless of the age and relationship with their charge, can find comfort in any shared experiences, as well as a laugh.
I was a registered veterinary technician for 15 years, but now with both my parents being more sick than when I first arrived and the upkeep of the homestead keeps me very busy so I do not have a job outside of the home at this time.
I plan to detail the journey we have all been on since 2020, but for now here’s a brief synopsis of what I am dealing with. I turn 50 later this year. I have fibromyalgia, a right hip that needed to be rebroken to be fixed with pins and plates and screws, CKD, and the aches and pains of an overweight, retired RVT. I suffer from long term issues with my mental health and am medicated for my anxiety and depression. I live in beautiful Meaford Township, just east of Owen Sound, and my fiance SB*1 (also a caregiver to a senior parent) lives in New England; so we see each other much less often than we would like.
SB is a bit of a health nut and has no known illness. He is a sufferer of chronic pain in his knees due to previous injuries that needed to be fixed surgically. SB’s mom is indolent and on the spectrum, so she needs around the clock care, and she was recently diagnosed with bilateral breast cancer.
My mother is a hyperactive survivor of bilateral breast cancer that has CKD, diabetes, RA, fibromyalgia, and some heart issues. My father suffers from a blood disorder (cancer?), macular degeneration and (undiagnosed) early-onset dementia.
Dad is non-compliant with many of the recommendations of his family doctor. He declined a referral to a blood disorder specialist that would perform further testing to determine the cause of his blood disease because the doctor was not located in Owen Sound, but London, a good 3 hour drive from home.
SB’s dad (who passed away November 2024) had early onset dementia, and was blind since shortly after birth; which gives SB a unique insight into my dad’s behaviours.
And Now…
My father is a self-confessed “grumpy old man” with some very strange changes in routine. He has become a napper (kinda like all the cats he has) – he goes to bed at 8pm and wakes up by midnight, is up until 3 or 4 am when he feeds the outdoor cats. Back to bed until 9am when he feeds the cats again. He eats his main(and final)meal of the day around 11am, and he insists mom sit with him while he eats, regardless of whether she is eating or not. Anytime we order in food or go out to eat it MUST be on his schedule. He has become super anal (and controlling) about his schedule and anything surrounding feeding the cats.
His newest and most inconvenient behaviour is that he urinates in the kitty litter. After discussing it with my therapist I wrote a heartfelt note expressing how this behaviour is making my life more difficult because, not only because I have to scoop it, but because I then haul it out to the barnyard to dump. I fortunately had purchased a wagon shortly after I moved in here to help with the yardwork, it has been invaluable to hauling kitty litter too. In the letter I asked if there was anything bothering him that could be the cause of the behaviour and invited him to speak up if there were.
He never spoke to me about it, but he did discuss it with mom, who tried to find a different and acceptable receptacle, to no avail. When this tactic was unsuccessful my therapist suggested having Home and Community Services come to the house to help. I will have to discuss this with mom. She doesn’t like to have people over to the house because of all the cats. But all the alternatives are less than ideal: either I continue to scoop, or Mom will scoop (which she should not be), or no-one scoops and the cats will do their doo-doo wherever they wish.
I have been trying to control the population of cats since I arrived. My dad is a cat hoarder. I insisted that all males in the house must be neutered by 6-7 months. This is not ideal because: (1) we are left with a bunch of females that go in and out of heat almost weekly, there is never a time without one of the females being in heat and (2) it is stressful for the cats and predisposes them to mammary cancer and disorders of the uterus. When I last saw SB in November 2023 a feral male got introduced which bred nearly all the females before we were able to trap him in a room, alone. I purchased a live-trap online from Amazon to catch him inside the room. More on that in a later post.
I’ll sign off with,
Hugs and prayers for all those out there in a difficult situation. As I said earlier I hope people can find some parallel in their life or just a laugh. Laughing is great for your mental health.
Sincerely, JJ
