If you’ve been following along you will know about my newest obstacle being a caregiver of a dementia patient. Well, my father has finally decided on an acceptable alternative to using the kitty litter. A small pail…which he keeps on the kitchen counter. Ick. I have learned that you really need to choose your battles (for me, boundaries) when dealing with a dementia patient.
As there is always a chance that when confronting my father with a truth he does not agree with, or anything contradictory to his desires he will blow up. Fortunately dad has never been violent with my mom or I, he is more of an emotional terrorist. He is cruel and relentless.
The reason your parents are so good at pushing your buttons is that they installed them in the first place.
As of July 25th I do not remember for certain who to attribute the preceding quote to. I will update with a name if I can confirm.
Every time my father tries to pick a fight and his words are so mean I feel them viscerally. Like a gut punch or a kick in the crotch. It is hard to not contradict or correct him. Truth and lies in a dementia patient is a difficult issue to tackle. Often they fully believe their memory or version of events is fact, not relative.
What does this have to do with the price of tea in China? Well, the pail on the counter which dad swears he uses is always dry. He lies and I think he is proud he is “fooling” mom and I. He even makes lame jokes if something is spilled on the counter and any reference to it is made he shouts:
It wasn’t me. I take the pail down (off the counter) before I pee in it. I’m a good boy.
Until I visit our mutual family doctor next week I will not challenge the lie. But I need to enforce that boundary if I can.
Until next time remember to take care of yourselves.
